That Would Look Great on Elke

It might come as a surprise to some of you that I *love* modernism in dress. Clean lines, abstraction, angles, a palette of neutral colors ... basically everything you never see on this blog. You mostly don't see them on this blog because all of that? Looks like hell on me. Pure, unadulterated, where's-Virgil-when-I-need-him, ooh-look-there-are-the-blasphemers Hell. I could handle the looking-like-hell part (I often look like hell now) but I couldn't handle the part where I FELT like hell -- this stuff just isn't me.

And it not-being-me used to really bother me -- I know, really, that I'm much more of a cardigans (ones with the usual number of sleeves) and bright-colors kind of person, but I still drool a bit over stuff like the dress in the picture above.

But instead of mooning helplessly over these things, or, worse yet, trying to remake myself into someone who looks good in an asymmetrical cream-colored wool ANYTHING, I've invented my dear friend Elke.

Elke, I've decided, looks FANTASTIC in this stuff. Slash of brightly colored eyeshadow? So Elke. Vertiginously high shoes with geometric heels? Elke's signature! Camel-colored anything? All Elke's cup of tea (and she even drinks chamomile, which I can't abide).

Elke can rock both the pixie cut and the long straight hair; Elke can carry a beautiful, elegant squared-off leather tote without being forced to lean to the other side to counterbalance it; Elke has even figured out how to wear those swimsuits with metal trim without it getting too hot in the sun. (And she has a sense of humor, too.)

The reason I've invented Elke is that I find it helpful to imagine SOMEONE loving those clothes and really enjoying them, even if it's not me. The models wearing them always look as if they'd rather be subjected to electric shocks than wear an exquisite dress, and when they're pictured on starlets or socialites those women only seem to be thinking "I really hope this doesn't show up on the DON'T page of Glamour".

Not Elke. She revels in this stuff! She wears it to the grocery store! Her friends all know that what she really wants for Christmas is jewelry made out of a single slab of something that's never been used for jewelry before, or a hat that's indistinguishable from a science-fiction movie prop.

So now, when I see something like this dress in the "editorial" of the fashion magazines, I can think "Ooh, that would look *GREAT* on Elke," and flip on by to the pages where they show the clothes I might actually wear. (If, in fact, they have any of those pages in that issue, which, usually, they don't.)

I highly recommend you get to know Elke -- she always has time for her friends.

Comments

[Sal]

What a fabulous way to cope with lusting after a style that does your OWN figure no favors! I'm so pleased to meet Elke.

[Birgit]

Lovely to meet Elke! Can she be my friend, too? I imagine she is tall but not too tall, and has a lovely warm skin tone that does not look like the underbelly of a fish when paired with beige, chartreuse or hot pink?!And, oh my, that model does look miserable. She is probably worried about the belt gliding off her hips at any moment...

[Anonymous]

I wanna be Elke when I grow up.-Shaun

[Anonymous]

I hope Elke will wear a proper bra when she glides out in this number...

[Marjie]

She looks like my anorexic niece. I'd rather see a real person wearing real clothes, instead of anorexics not filling out things.That said, I agree that simple lines are lovely. Good for you, inventing a "wear anything" friend.

[Susan W.]

But how did you figure out who you are and what looks good on you, Erin? Because when I really like something I see out in the wild, I am blind to how it looks on me... I just can't grasp that it doesn't suit, not till many years later when I am going through the photos. What is the waking-up process?

[What-I-Found]

Years ago I heard that the best part of a donut was the smell. And it's true. Works for lots of things, the best part of many things is the seeing of them, the enjoying the details, but you don't really HAVE to eat, wear, own the item. You can just enjoy it and keep moving. I owned an antique store in the past, now I live full time in an RV. I find fabulous things all the time that I would have bought in a hot minute in my former life. Now I can just "smell" it and let somebody else store, dust and deal with owning it. Elke eats donuts so we don't have to. ;-)

[kathy]

I knew there must be someone out there who actually wore those styles. Good to finally know her name!

[Anonymous]

Dear What-I-Found,You are a genius! That was very well said. We are about to embark on a very deep clean-out-and-re-decorate-the-house adventure. I shall repeat my new mantra "smell it and let it go" often as I toss things into the yard sale box. Ha! If I say it out loud what will my family think? :-)And Elke is a great idea. My imaginary fashion friend can wear high heels (they hurt my real feet) and lots of other things, like chunky white summer bangles. Dawn

[Cel Petro]

OK! I'm getting my own imaginary friend who will wear all the things I love that don't love me back. Boy, she is gonna be a clothes horse, too, and have great fun thinking about clothes and spending entirely too much time shopping and the like. Right now, she's getting a pair of 50's high heel gen-u-ine spectator pumps, camel and white. She'll probably wear them with a new Easter ensemble that has something orange going on.

[gchick]

I always knew you were a Bunburyist.

[goldilocks]

What-I-Found, that IS brilliant. The most brilliant thing I've read this month, and probably all year. As for that dress, I love the shape of it, and the color of it, but not the shape and the color together. And it would be totally unsuitable for me, too. Both the shape and the color. And the belt, too. LOL.

[goldilocks]

And you DO almost feel sorry for the little socialites and starlets. They are lovely and lithe and young and ought to be having the time of their lives wearing all kinds of beautiful things... but they hardly ever look like they are really having a good time. "Women learn life too late."

[anthrokeight]

gchick, Bunbury TOTALLY wore the checkered trousers and outrageous cravats Jack could never dare to wear around Lady Bracknell!Elke also probably likes to read books like Carole Maso's Geek Love- things I am pleased exist but haven't really loved reading myself.

[Liz]

Elke also listens to the music you're "supposed" to like but don't. For me, that would be Kate Bush and P.J. Harvey.

[gwensews]

Elke, your "alter ego"! I love it! Make sure she gets your wadders also!

[Virlomi]

I love this idea! I have been both Elke-shaped and Un-Elke-shaped and have the problem of always liking the clothes that compliment the figure that I don't currently have (i.e. skinny jeans vs. wrap dresses, back-less vs. cleavage baring) An imaginary Elke (or Veronica) is perfect for my window shopping woes!

[Lory]

An alter ego, how cool! Just for kicks, we should all have one.

[Vivienne]

Elke sounds like she'd be a great influence on both of my alter egos - the Inner Italian Princess and the Exterior Granola Princess.

[Anonymous]

IF this happens to be Elke could you please remind her to put on a bra next time...or at the very least wear a sweater and leggings with that dress so she pokes out a little less please :)JenL

[Jen]

She doesn't need a bra, she needs chain mail to wear under that tabard.Take a peek at Alex (whom I have never met), he really knows how to rock a tabard...http://alextown.com/maillearmorshield1.html

[Anonymous]

My alter ego's name is Britta. Have you seen the Roz Chas cartoon in last week's New Yorker? It's a one page discourse on style. My life, exactly.

[prairieknitter01]

My "Elke" has to be Jane Fonda circa 1964 in "Sunday in New York". Orry-Kelly was amazing, and she looked so lovely and elegant in his simple, pretty clothes. I am short and stout, but Jane was/is long and languid, and she was born to wear Orry-Kelly. Not me. Jeans and sweatshirt. But...I love looking at Jane!

[oracle]

Erin, I love the direction of humour and style that some of your recent posts have taken. Like this one, they've been giving me a great morning laugh with my coffee.I love all your posts, anyway.And What-I-found I've copied your post to store in my private archives so that I can look back at it and enjoy it sometime in the future.

[AmandaMay]

Elke is fabulous. And you are fabulous for having her! I have often felt somewhat miffed that my one chance for a body I get the 5'1" peasant-type, which obviously the fashion magazines don't often feature. It makes me sad that there are clothes I will never get a chance to look good in (I don't dwell on it, of course, there are more important things to think about usually). Anyway, I think Elke is someone I also will think of often. Thank you!