Okay, just ONE more ...
Just one more, from Sandritocat:
THE BEACH: A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Angela: Where is Helen? I keep thinking about Helen.
Francine: It always unnerves people at the beach if you turn around and stare inland, instead of out at the water. Try it sometime.
Margaret: I shall bestride the narrow earth like a Colossus! Oh, wait. I AM a Colossus. I shall bestride the narrow earth like me!
Doris: The stars! The stars in my pocket like grains of sand! Sand in my pocket like stars! Who eats paper? I ate some paper. My sunglasses are torpid. Also, pickles! Shiny, shiny pickles!
Helen (from offstage): No one even noticed that I left.
THE BEACH: A PLAY IN ONE ACT
Angela: Where is Helen? I keep thinking about Helen.
Francine: It always unnerves people at the beach if you turn around and stare inland, instead of out at the water. Try it sometime.
Margaret: I shall bestride the narrow earth like a Colossus! Oh, wait. I AM a Colossus. I shall bestride the narrow earth like me!
Doris: The stars! The stars in my pocket like grains of sand! Sand in my pocket like stars! Who eats paper? I ate some paper. My sunglasses are torpid. Also, pickles! Shiny, shiny pickles!
Helen (from offstage): No one even noticed that I left.
Labels: patternstories, Simplicity_1125, whatsthestory
posted by Erin @ 7:09 AM
39 Comments:
At Mar 16, 2009 8:57:00 AM,
Melissa said…
OK, the stories HAVE to be a regular feature. At least one a week.
This one made me think of the Kids in the Hall sketch with, "I can;t stop thinking about Tony. Where he is, who he's with, if he's thinking of me, and if he'll ever return to me."
At Mar 16, 2009 9:24:00 AM,
Julia said…
Oh dear, I'm laughing so hard...
At Mar 16, 2009 9:45:00 AM,
nwhepcat said…
I just sprayed orange juice on my monitor, thanks to Doris.
Another vote here for regularity!
At Mar 16, 2009 9:45:00 AM,
Rachelle said…
If there were an award for The Best Use Of The Word Torpid On The Internet, Ever, you would win it, hands down.
At Mar 16, 2009 10:05:00 AM,
Frannie said…
Poor nwhepcat, searching for a wet wipe!
Now we need the back story about the pattern artists, toiling away at drafting tables in grim little offices at Simplicity and Vogue, cranking out these weird bits of cover "art." Perhaps they intentionally created weird proportions and "women" with Adam's apples as retribution for substandard working conditions?
At Mar 16, 2009 10:38:00 AM,
paisleyapron said…
Oh, Erin, do you have to make this the last one? These have been terrific. One more, puh-leese?
At Mar 16, 2009 11:23:00 AM,
fidelio said…
It's like Waiting for Godot with pattern envelope drawings.
I'm with Melissa. Your whuffie will be muchly increased if this becomes a weekly feature, schedule permitting.
At Mar 16, 2009 11:24:00 AM,
lianne said…
That was by far the best!
At Mar 16, 2009 11:46:00 AM,
What-I-Found said…
Are they victims of an ergot in the wheat fields sort of thing? Hallucinations on the sea air?
So much mystery!
At Mar 16, 2009 12:25:00 PM,
Rachel said…
This whole set of stories is delightful--did you know you were saving the surrealist episode for last? Master stroke! I hadn't looked at the site in a long time and I'm so very happy I happened in!
At Mar 16, 2009 12:27:00 PM,
Angela Tompkins said…
More things in this world should be torpid.
At Mar 16, 2009 12:47:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
"Where is that stupid tour bus? How long must we wait? Oh, now look, she's wandering off again, someone go get her. And for Heaven's sake don't let her take any more clothes off. We'll never get to the luau at this rate. Where is that bus!?"
At Mar 16, 2009 12:57:00 PM,
fyrechika said…
Haha! I love this one! Especially Francine staring inland!
This should be a once-a-week feature!
At Mar 16, 2009 2:02:00 PM,
ZombieLace said…
This was shortly after the group got into Enrique's stash of "shitake" mushrooms....
At Mar 16, 2009 2:26:00 PM,
Cookie said…
I am fascinated by who these artists might have been. WHO WERE THEY??
Simplicity has a rather crude, amateur-looking period, during which an illustrator must have had a nervous breakdown and their assistant filled in. But were the drawings by the ailing artist, or the assistant? http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?ref=vl_other_2&listing_id=19447033
My favorites, aesthetically, are the 1960’s Vogue drawings. They have a breezy quality and the women all look fabulous, with a sort of unstudied, “Oh-I-Look-This-Way-All-The-Time-Doesn’t-Everyone?” chic. Notice this one has serious fauxlero potential, if the collar and most-front pieces of the bodice were made in material to contrast with the rest. http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/Vogue_9611
At Mar 16, 2009 5:47:00 PM,
Lady Be Good said…
Ah, its funny cause its true! My sunglasses are torpid!
I have enjoyed these immensely. I do hope to see more soon and often. I shared them with my boyfriend, and he compliments your writing. Now we are both eagerly awaiting your novel.
At Mar 16, 2009 9:50:00 PM,
cher said…
Oh my, I remember these patterns - Did you think there ever was a day when a size 32 bust wore a size 14??????????????? So much for new sizing..
At Mar 16, 2009 10:16:00 PM,
Jen said…
Since I totally identify with 'blue skirt' in a big way, can I share my take on the 4 girls?:
hat girl: did you just see that? Jeff fell into the bay, this means they aren't going to get to the dock for ages.
blue skirt: awww, not again! I'm getting really tired of this whole thing...
blue blouse: do you think we should call the kids and tell them will be late getting home?
red short girl: yeah, let's leave right now and take my station wagon back. the four of them can cram their gear and all into Dave's VW!
At Mar 16, 2009 10:27:00 PM,
brocadegoddess said…
You know, I saw this one on Sandritocat's site just earlier today and thought how great it would be if you made up a story for it - and you did!!!
I also vote for this becoming a regular feature - please please please please please
At Mar 16, 2009 11:05:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
PLEASE don't make this the last one! This just has to become a regular feature!
At Mar 17, 2009 8:26:00 AM,
Modest Mom said…
Too cute!
Just wanted to let you know that McCalls is having an online sale on patterns. A lot of them are $4.99 each. Not vintage, but one day they'll be. :-)
At Mar 17, 2009 8:26:00 AM,
Modest Mom said…
Too cute!
Just wanted to let you know that McCalls is having an online sale on patterns. A lot of them are $4.99 each. Not vintage, but one day they'll be. :-)
At Mar 17, 2009 9:53:00 AM,
Rebecca said…
I agree: WHO are the artists? There's a great labor history/art history/design history Phd to be written on this subject.
At Mar 17, 2009 11:48:00 AM,
San Antonio sue said…
Erin, check out McCall's Crafts #715 on Lanetz Living. Why are these precious dolls being punished?
At Mar 17, 2009 12:11:00 PM,
Cookie said…
http://www.lanetzliving.net/inc/sdetail/90462 Oh dear...I think they're "practice children" parents can hone their discipline skills on? You can send them to the corner without hurting your real children's feelings.
At Mar 17, 2009 3:08:00 PM,
Kelly said…
Please keep going!
I love your pattern stories!! :-)
At Mar 17, 2009 3:44:00 PM,
becky f. said…
This post has been removed by the author.
At Mar 17, 2009 3:44:00 PM,
becky f. said…
Two things--
First, I love your stories for these patterns, as well as all of the comments. They are supremely entertaining. :-)
Second, you're coming to my school on Monday! I just got the announcement today, and I am so excited for your talk. (I will definitely spread the word to my word-minded friends, too!)
At Mar 17, 2009 3:54:00 PM,
San Antonio Sue said…
Cookie, you can also send the practice children to time out to work on getting over your guilt at being a bad parent.
At Mar 17, 2009 6:12:00 PM,
Theresa said…
Oh GOD! Cookie, I knew someone who actually had those dolls!
I wish there were practice chidlren, then I could have made my mistakes with them but not my own...who somehow turned out fine despite my ineptitude.
At Mar 17, 2009 6:12:00 PM,
Theresa said…
Oh GOD! Cookie, I knew someone who actually had those dolls!
I wish there were practice chidlren, then I could have made my mistakes with them but not my own...who somehow turned out fine despite my ineptitude.
At Mar 17, 2009 7:35:00 PM,
Cookie said…
Sue: Glad you brought our attention to the "Practice Children Dolls"! We can make them for expecting parents we know. However did you stumble upon this...interesting item?
Theresa: << Oh GOD! Cookie, I knew someone who actually had those dolls! >> WHY? Why would someone make these dolls?? Did they want some little figures around who would cower before them? I don't understand! (PS: I'm sure you were a great mother...maybe because you didn't need stuffed supplicants dotted about your home.)
At Mar 17, 2009 7:42:00 PM,
Johanna said…
Here's a candidate:
http://vintagepatterns.wikia.com/wiki/Simplicity_4464
At Mar 17, 2009 7:43:00 PM,
Johanna said…
Oops but it's not a dress- sorry!
At Mar 18, 2009 7:27:00 AM,
San Antonio Sue said…
Johanna, the gal in the plaid pants looks like Milly in the old Dick Van Dyke show. It must have been intimidating to live next door to gorgeous MTM... No wonder she has that "eating pickles" look on her face!
At Mar 18, 2009 10:56:00 AM,
Marilyn said…
This is SO funny!! I am a dressmaker since forever and often wondered what the dresses think about where they are going. To Melissa, I adored the "Kids in the Hall" sketch you mentioned. So much I named my car Tony!
Thanks for this uplifting blog.
At Mar 18, 2009 12:47:00 PM,
theresa said…
thanks cookie!
At Mar 20, 2009 9:06:00 AM,
Dragonfly said…
*snort* Also, nice Delaney reference. Love that book.
At Mar 31, 2009 6:06:00 PM,
Viaje said…
I was laughing so hard reading this I cried - this is great. Just stumbled onto your blog. Will be back for sure!
Cheers
JD
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