Books: Wife Dressing

I've been meaning to review Wife Dressing: The Fine Art of Being a Well-Dressed Wife for ages; it's been sitting here on the little typing table I use as an auxiliary desk (which should have a big bin on it labeled "stuff you should get to today but probably won't").

Make no mistake, this is a book primarily about "dressing for HIM" (the sub-subtitle is "With Provocative Notes for the Patient Husband Who Pays the Bills") and, although Fogarty was a very successful designer, she downplays that quite a bit (she spends more time talking about her eighteen-inch waist!). You get the impression that perhaps her Mister (one or all of them; she married three times) wasn't entirely comfortable with a breadwinning wife and that this book, in part, was meant to reassure him that he, too, was important in her life ... even if she was selling thousands of dollars of dresses every year.

But once you get past that, the book is full of gems, such as:

A travel wardrobe is personal. ... It is a condensation of your regular wardrobe, not a separate entity. After all, you're still the same person whether you're at home or far away, and you'll want familiar garments with you. Never cut your gear so close to the bone that you leave your personality behind.

(italics Fogarty's)

or how about this?

As for flagrant bad taste, there aren't too many examples. Shorts on a city street is one of the worst. This shows a lack of self-respect and a contempt for the people who are properly dressed. .... Strapless dresses in town are as bad. If a dress is strapless, it's either a cocktail dress that should be worn after five or else it's a sundress and should stay in the sun.

And my favorite:

The art of courage and discretion is a clarion cry for individuality, a turning away from slavish adherence to every fashion or beauty trend. Courage and discretion go hand in hand: the courage to dare to be yourself, the discretion not to overdo; the courage to do something unusual, the discretion to temper it.

That's good advice for everyone, whether there's a husband in the picture or not. In fact, it's even good advice for husbands themselves.

Comments

[the_lazymilliner]

"The art of courage and discretion is a clarion cry for individuality." I could have used these words yesterday when I was the only adult among hundreds to wear an Easter hat.

[Toby Wollin]

Ah, I see from the notes at Amazon.com that this book was written in 1959. Her comments about wearing shorts on the street rang a bell for me; my mother forbade us to wear shorts when we went downtown(even in our little upstate New York town, where "downtown" was all of about 4 blocks long and was about two blocks from my house). Of course, this was an era when no one wore pants to school at all - I did not get the "right" to wear slacks to school until the winter of 1970, after girls in Massena, NY(snuggled up next to the Canadian border)successfully sued the State Ed Dept. for the right not to come to school with frostbite on their knees from having to wait for school buses in skirts.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a very small town in the 70s/80s and even then my mother would not let us wear shorts "to town"!As a breadwinning wife myself, I simply wish I had the luxury of time to think so deeply about my wardrobe. I'd gladly trade roles with him and spend all day keeping house and looking fabulous.

[Mad Fashionista]

Dahling, I understand the clarion call to individuality, but I must disagree with her call to not overdo. Dear darling Mama always advised me, "When in doubt, overdress. That way you'll always be the best-looking woman in the room." As for shorts...ugh. Living in NYC, one cannot escape them, even in the depths of winter. Particularly on men.

[Lisa Simeone]

Yes, great advice!I second (and third) the comments on shorts. So many Americans these days look like they're dressed for a picnic, or for cleaning out their garage, no matter what they're doing. The sartorial infantilizing of the population is also a problem. Why, if you're 40, do you want to dress like your 12-year-old son or daughter? Spring is coming, which means hordes of tourists in Washington, D.C., where I work. I'm continually amazed at entire families that are dressed exactly alike. It's like some weird SNL skit.

[Lisa Simeone]

P.S. LOVE the cover design!

[Theresa]

Here in Columbia, SC home of the Gamecocks, I have to endure college girls, of various proportion, with "COCKS" emblazoned across their buttocks.*Shudder* And sometimes their bosom

[Anonymous]

The only men who should be wearing shorts downtown, or outside home/gym/etc are postmen. Women, IMO, never. Now if only I could get it through my mother's head that I. Do. Not. Wear. Shorts.....

[Pamela]

I lived in Madrid, Spain for 3 years; Wearing shorts in the city meant you were an American. It was always so embarrassing to me to see American college girls in baggy basketball shorts, sneakers and tee-shirts at the Prado. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and say,"Couldn't you represent a little bit better?" It was just so sloppy and unkempt by Spanish standards. You wouldn't even see it on a beach there. Perhaps the concept of "When in Rome...." is no longer emphasized. Respect for another culture goes a long way.As to strapless and low-cut dresses: I've noticed that many TV shows have actresses sporting considerable decolletage even if they are playing the part of a doctor or lawyer. Perhaps the producers think it brings in more viewers.I'm with Theresa re the obscene language on clothes. I cringe whenever I read "Hard Tail" (whatever that means) or "Juicy" (I know what that means) on a ladies behind. I don't know which is worse; prostituting oneself to advertise someone else's product or suggesting that one is indeed "juicy" or has a "hard tail". Do men really need this kind of encouragement? And is this how women wish to be perceived? If Anne Fogarty is all about dressing appropriately, whether one is a wife or otherwise employed, I'm all for it. Of course if these "Hard Tail" girls are prostitutes, well, then it makes sense. Heheh.

[Pamela]

I lived in Madrid, Spain for 3 years; Wearing shorts in the city meant you were an American. It was always so embarrassing to me to see American college girls in baggy basketball shorts, sneakers and tee-shirts at the Prado. I wanted to tap them on the shoulder and say,"Couldn't you represent a little bit better?" It was just so sloppy and unkempt by Spanish standards. You wouldn't even see it on a beach there. Perhaps the concept of "When in Rome...." is no longer emphasized. Respect for another culture goes a long way.As to strapless and low-cut dresses: I've noticed that many TV shows have actresses sporting considerable decolletage even if they are playing the part of a doctor or lawyer. Perhaps the producers think it brings in more viewers.I'm with Theresa re the obscene language on clothes. I cringe whenever I read "Hard Tail" (whatever that means) or "Juicy" (I know what that means) on a ladies behind. I don't know which is worse; prostituting oneself to advertise someone else's product or suggesting that one is indeed "juicy" or has a "hard tail". Do men really need this kind of encouragement? And is this how women wish to be perceived? If Anne Fogarty is all about dressing appropriately, whether one is a wife or otherwise employed, I'm all for it. Of course if these "Hard Tail" girls are prostitutes, well, then it makes sense. Heheh.

[Jen ~ MOMSPatterns]

Anne Fogarty.. THE Anne Fogarty that used to design sewing patterns in the 50s for Advance?!Strange coincidence or interesting truth? I gotta go look this up and see if she's one & the same!

[Jen ~ MOMSPatterns]

Oh, yes, you said that. WOW, now I want to read it!!

[Anonymous]

It always bothers me when someone says that, "This-or-that kind of clothing shows a lack of self-respect." It seems dishonest. The real issue is that the speaker doesn't like that style of dress, and it's insulting to phrase it as concern for the other person's wellbeing. The reactions your clothes elicit from other people don't really tell anything about how you feel about yourself.

[Lisa Simeone]

Beg to differ. Clothes DO convey respect (among other things), and it's disingenuous to pretend otherwise. Would you wear shorts to a funeral? Doubt it. And you don't need anyone to tell you why. You know instinctively it would be disrespectful.Clothes are an expression of the self. Clothes say a lot of things (as Erin often writes about on this blog). Of course we all have different likes and dislikes when it comes to clothes. Of course we're all biased one way or another. That doesn't negate the fact that clothes speak.And I for one am not pretending that I have any special concern about somebody's well-being because they're wearing shorts. I AM saying that I think wearing shorts in certain settings is, at best, goofy, and, at worst, disrespectful.

[litbrit]

My grandmother, married to a British Army major, designed and sewed dresses for other officer's wives before WWII broke out. Money was incredibly tight in those days, and luxuries like having a broad selection of dresses to wear, or buying new shoes for one's children, were simply out of the question. But that didn't mean women in England gave up on dressing well: my grandmother recalled a little network of girlfriends who'd summon each other when someone found a stray parachute in the branches of an oak tree: they'd bring along a child with tree-climbing talent, and the women would wait on the ground, scissors in hand, and slice up the silk to share and take home to make pretty lingerie.That's how important beautiful clothes were--not as a means to display how rich one was, but rather, as an expression of hope, of self-love; as a way to show one's children and the world that there was--that there always must be--something worth dressing up for even as another church or school or town hall was obliterated by a bomb.Shorts? Shorts?? My grandmother never, ever wore shorts anywhere other than the beach itself. She wore linen trousers and an embroidered blouse to tend to her rose garden. Because, as she would always note, you never know if one of the neighbors might stop by for tea.Listen, I live in Florida. Fewer places are more rife with badly-dressed people, and that's before you even get to Orlando, home of the Mouse t-shirt and Donald Duck leggings--for grown women! I see other mothers bring their kids to Thursday Chapel wearing their workout clothes.And all it says to me is, They just don't have much respect--for themselves, for the institution of the church and school, for whomever accompanies them. There is a time and place for everything, and the place for gym clothes is the gym, just as the place for shorts--and I refer to the frayed, sloppy or overtly sporty ones, not the neatly-pressed Italian linen Bermuda-length ones you see on the police in the islands--is the beach.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, LazyMilliner! All I did was wear a new dress and I stood out at our Easter service. Plus I had to spend the morning trying to make my 14 year old son understand that some occasions deserve better clothing. He was annoyed at having to wear a shirt with a COLLAR on it with his jeans. Not even a tie! Here in North Carolina anytime the sun shines you'll see shorts and flip flops, even if the temp is freezing. At my job I see people come in for job applications looking like slobs. Also we see employees of other companies in outrageous clothes. One day an attorney sent a messenger over with some documents - she was wearing an outfit that I swear Madonna wore in one of her videos. As long as people are comfortable, they think they look fine. Can you tell this topic struck a nerve?? Meanwhile, even though this author makes some valid points, can I just say I also hate the title? Her tone sounds a little too much like the wife is just another of the husband's assets - car, house, *thin* well-dressed wife. It's all an interesting discussion and someone could probably get a good thesis out of it. Dawn

[PhantomMinuet]

Strapless dresses in town are as bad. If a dress is strapless, it's either a cocktail dress that should be worn after five or else it's a sundress and should stay in the sun.I couldn't agree more. And they don't belong in church, either. Speaking of church, I counted seven Easter bonnets (eight, if you include my friend Mike's Panama straw hat) on Easter Sunday morning, and mine was the most interesting. Not the prettiest, perhaps, but the most interesting, if only because it was clearly vintage, flamboyantly royal blue, and (to my satisfaction, if no one else's) union-made. @):-)

[Anonymous]

Ah, hats in church, Lazymillener. I wore a beautiful hat to church on Easter a few years ago (okay, maybe more than a few because I bought it in New Orleans pre-Katerina). After the service, several older women came up to me all excited, hoping that hats had come back into style!I haven't worn a hat to church since, out of concern that it might distract others from worship.

[Theresa]

I haven't worn a hat to church since, out of concern that it might distract others from worship. -- I don't know why but that statement cracked me up!

[Eirlys]

The courage/discretion advice is useful. We seem to have lost sight of discretion a little too much. I went to a swearing-in ceremony for new British citizens a couple of summers ago. It was a very hot day and some of the soon-to-be Brits came along in T-shirts and shorts, which I felt was just a tiny bit over-casual. What sent my needle into the red, though, was that one guy had an F-word expletive on his back involving a generic maternal figure. I just didn't think that reflected quite the right spirit in which to stand tall during the national anthem and swear allegiance to another generic maternal figure (HRH). But maybe I missed a trick somewhere.

[lorrwill]

I love you people. You successfully hit on every single one of my pet peeves when it comes to how poorly people tend to dress these days. Or undress. This summer, if I see one more desperately obese man without a shirt, muffin topping out of his shorts, and jiggling by - well I may just hurl. Right then and there.I want to salute, thank or otherwise praise anyone I see downtown where I live who is wearing pretty much anything other than jeans (and usually trainers) - they are that rare. :-(I am going to buy this book. I love old books on etiquette. Who was it that said something like being properly dressed is like having good manners?

[Lavon]

I love the excerpts of this book. I have often said to my husband how I look is an outward express of his love for me. This has often gotten me the object of my desire. A new dress and pair of shoes, new purse whatever.I read an article some months ago about how people are afraid dress well. Often top off a beautiful dress with a demin jacket to add the right amount of not looking to good!I will buy this book.

[Curious]

I found this entry very interesting, as I am one of those people who wears shorts (not the obscenely short variety) or jeans and tennis shoes regularly when I'm out and about taking care of everyday tasks - shopping, getting mail, etc. I do dress appropriately when I go to work, for church, and for other special events because it is the right thing to do and to *not* dress that way feels wrong.But for everyday wear, I'm not sure what's so evil about shorts, jeans, or athletic shoes. Some people (or maybe just me) wear them because they're more comfortable and more practical than skirts, dresses, and "dressy" shoes. I'd love to wear dresses/skirts/dress shoes more often, but after a couple of hours, the discomfort just isn't worth it.I agree people should dress appropriately, and I too cringe when I see guys or girls with body parts hanging out of their too-tight/too-small/too-low clothes.Is the dislike I'm seeing in the post and comments stemming from personal dislike for those types of clothing (do these people not ever wear such clothes outside of the beach?) or because they perceive that people wearing such clothes are being disrespectful to others (or rather, to others' sense of fashion, style, and propriety)?

[Lisa Simeone]

I'm quoting Adrian Leeds, who publishes the on-line newsletter Parler Paris. This is from one of her newsletters:"There is an unspoken rule among Parisians that one should dress with respect to the city. The city makes an effort to be its most beautiful and the people who inhabit it should, too, so they think from their esthetic French cultural selves. This is why you don't see the Parisians (as a rule) in sweat pants and sneakers." And as someone who lives in a hot, muggy climate during the summer, I have to recommend skirts over shorts any, any, any day FOR COMFORT, regardless of my (low) opinion on shorts in general. Skirts shade the legs from the sun, thus keeping them cooler than shorts, while looking a helluva lot better. I'm not talking dressy. I'm talking a big full cotton circle skirt. It's so much cooler and more comfortable than shorts. And you won't be sticking to any seats!

[Anonymous]

To Lisa Simeone:Wearing shorts to a funeral is disrespectful to the other mourners and to the deceased. I still believe that wearing clothing other people don't like doesn't show any lack of self-respect.