Say It Ain't So

I saw these on the TV screen last week. Old Navy was advertising this particular style during LOST -- and OMG, did you see LOST this past week? -- and I believe that I jumped higher, screamed louder, and got scared-er during the Old Navy ad that featured this horror than I did during the Stunning Conclusion To This Week's Episode.

Because, frankly, short-shorts rompers? Are enough to give anyone nightmares.

For the moment, let's leave out how you are possibly going to use public restrooms in this thing without dragging part or all of it into the toilet; that simply goes without saying.

Instead, concentrate on just how wrong the proportions of this thing are. The dropped waist! The below-elbow, but not three-quarters, sleeves! The teeny, weeny inseam of Doom! The very weirdly placed breast (or maybe, floating-rib) pocket!

Old Navy was advertising this using their skinniest and leggiest models, and they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient. There is absolutely no way to wear this and be taken seriously. There are very few ways to wear this and not look as if you lost a particularly disastrous bet. (One would be wrapped around your head as a turban.)

And please, people, believe me. I know whereof I speak. I was a young teen, in Florida, in the early 1980s. I know all of the enticing forms that jumpsuits can take, and the few times that I 'experimented' -- well, let's just say that the flashbacks are debilitating. I can scarcely pass a tropical-print-floral rayon without vomiting, even today.

To sum up, this romper:

-- does not allow for the speedy completion of necessary bodily functions
-- makes you look like you're playing Tweedledee in the "Out of Africa" version of Alice in Wonderland
-- drains personal dignity faster than Jello body shots
-- is guaranteed to disflatter 99.99% of women (and most men, barring a few really in-shape go-go dancers)
-- doesn't even get the POCKETS right

Now, you're all grownups. You can wear what you like. But if I see you wearing this .... I will just be very disappointed, that's all.

Comments

[Jen ~ MOMSPatterns]

Tweedledee vs Out of Africa.. you made me guffaw!!!!

[Anonymous]

Oh yes, jumpsuits... I was never daft enough to wear a short version, but I remember them all right. There are only so many ways to arrange pieces of cloth on a human body, so it was inevitable that someone would try to revive this style at some point.

[Marjie]

I fast forward through commercials, so mercifully managed to miss this one during Lost, then was horrified this morning when it appeared in my email inbox! Wear as a turban? Maybe. How about remodeling it into a garage floor cleaning device?

[Jen]

It looks slightly crumpled in this publicity photo, which means that if you wore it and had the temerity to try sitting down, the jumpsuit would punish you severely with nasty creases right across your lap.I also think it needs a collar to give it the sort of safari suit finesse it would need to pull off that shade of beige.

[India]

Oh, Erin! This is . . . eeeeeeeeeeeee!!

[Anne D]

This horrid disaster can only be superseded by the unmitigated, horrifying mess of the plus sized range. Barring a few items, ON really needs to turf their plus size designers, and actually get some designers in who are plus sized themselves, and put a stop to the babydoll tops, the square necklines, the slash pockets, excessively wide kimono sleeves... and those bermuda shorts...please!It's great ON has such a big range of readily priced plus size clothing, it sucks big hairy donkey b...err a lot, that they ditched the in store presence, but gee, could it have been the horrid, horrid designs that came out in the plus range, that didn't come close to echoing the cute - and cheap - std size lines that might have not had it sell well?

[M]

oh my yes-I spotted something WORSE in a Paris department store window this past summer.A shorts romper-suit with PUFFY BALLOON LEGS, a ruffly floral under shirt, and, the clincher, an over-sized RED BOW!a picture of it can be found here:http://e-laboratory.blogspot.com/under the 2007 section greetings from paris. must be seen to be comprehended in all it's ghastly horror.Just say "no" girls, just say "no"...

[Dilly]

Oh my goodness - I just snorted tea across my computer screen at your wonderful way with words:"Old Navy was advertising this using their skinniest and leggiest models, and they still all looked like a plate of Hot Mistake with a side of Mental Deficient"I have SO got to use that description in conversation more often.

[Josie Thames]

I'm so glad that someone was brave enough to speak out against the atrocious evil of jumpsuits. And yet, as I was reading your post, all I could think of was how many high school girls will be giving into the unspeakable evil this summer.It makes me shake my head in disgust.

[Vicki]

I saw a similar version in a recent issue of Lucky. I had to comment on it as well . Are they ganging up on us to make us think we need these?

[Allison with Amai Unmei]

thank you for this post! it totally made my morning :)

[vespabelle]

jumpsuits are cute on little kids (and practical when they have crotch snaps!) but they can't be tan!Old Navy's t-shirts seem to have gotten longer, sadly they are appear to be verging on unflattering. (I did not try them on, perhaps they're not so bad?)

[Chiara]

Thank you sooo much for commenting on these. I was just as scandalized when I was last in Old Navy and saw them, and I cringe every time I think of someone wearing them with all seriousness.

[becky f.]

I had a reversible blue/pink jumpsuit that I loved... when I was about 7.The "pure evil" tag is right.

[oonaballoona]

i didn't really know what horrified me about this jumper until you made it clear. great post, made me laugh out loud!

[tammyo]

yeah, old navy is not hitting on a new concept here. babies have been wearing these forever...they're called "onesies".

[Lauren]

That is just terribly frightening.What's even more frightening is the price point which allows even MORE people to succumb to this atrocity.And hello! I'm a new reader of your great blog. :)

[Ms. Nomer]

yes, it has even struck in the kids department. the shirts are suck that i could give them a good stretch and go out in my new mini dress

[Marge, Born Too Late Vintage]

Seems to me this fashion(for lack of a better word) is comparable to the Edsel of car models. Gee, sure I'd just love to go back to the 1970s gymsuit from hell I wore at Washington High School in Phoenix where they tried to take our oh so thin bodies (yes I was thin back then) and make us look as androgynous as they could. Or as my 10 and 9-year old daughters would say, "You have GOT to be kidding Mom."

[belphebe]

I certainly wouldn't wear this jumpsuit, but then, I don't have the figure for that dropped waist look. However, if jumpsuits are "in" again, I might be able to wear a cute one that I have tucked away in my closet; I just couldn't bear to get rid of it when I started gaining weight.Of course, I'll have to lose a ton of weight first. And it will probably look terrible on me since I'm now an "old lady", but I want to be able to wear it again anyway.But this thing? Definitely not flattering!

[Anonymous]

i am contemplating buying one of these when old navy realizes they can't possibly sell them and have them priced down to a buck, picking out the inseam, and turning it into a shirt.

[Theresa]

I hate old navy and never shop there. There stuff is so ill-fitting and biw apparently ugly to boot!

[Bean]

Best hideous outfit commentary ever!! <3

[the_lazymilliner]

Ahem...I would wear this. In fact Jennifer Lopez wore something similar a few years ago.The only problem, I fear, is that this one-piece jumpsuit wouldn't be long enough in the torso for me. I sew because I'm long-waisted and just about every blouse, top, sweater and t-shirt is too short for me. That said, a jumpsuit like this isn't a high-priority for me to make. At least right now. A snowsuit is more likely at this juncture.

[sixties sewer]

Obviously dangerous to read this on a wobbly chair. I nearly fell off this morning laughing. I had enough trouble wrestling a toddler into one the other day (have apparently lost my mothering edge) to want to avoid them for everyone, not just adults.