Bonus Post for Fabric Week: Jokes

Here are two terrible fabric jokes. Does anyone have any better ones?

What Did the Bolt of Fabric Tell His Daughter When She Threatened to Run Away to India?

"Go ahead ... you'll be sari."

(From Defective Yeti, courtesy Annette ... )

And this one, which turned up I-don't-know-how:

Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

“Only one kiss per yard, ” replied the smirking male clerk.

“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said, “Grandpa pay the man.”

(That one must be ancient; when's the last time you saw a department store with a fabric counter? From here).

Please tell me some of you have better ones. You can leave 'em in the comments.

Comments

[Theresa]

I must be geek...cause I thought they were pretty funny. A few Wal-Marts in SC still have fabric departments/ counter. Of course the guy who sells guns and fishing lures has to come over from the Sport department to cut your fabric. "Do you have this Mossy Oak in Real Tree?"

[Zoltar Panaflex]

The Bon Marche in downtown Seattle (Which is now Macy's) had a fabric counter into the 1980's...I can't remember if Frederick's did (they are now completely shut down, Nordstrom's Flagship now occupies that block)...I don't have any fabric jokes, sorry, I wish I did!

[Anonymous]

While browsing fabric on line last night my husband said, "I don't think you should buy any more fabric until you complete three projects." That's a joke, right?-Amy

[Susanelle]

Um...Two silkworms decided to have a race. It resulted in a tie.

[oracle]

In Canada, Eaton's (now defunct) and Simpsons (also gobbled up by somebody else) both had nice fabric departments -- also in the '80's. But to my knowledge, Sears and The Bay, who chowed them down, don't.I've got no jokes, either! But I also enjoyed the two you put up, Erin.Sign me,Unafraid to laugh (but never *at* someone)

[standgale]

They have fabric in ballentynes in Christchurch! They even have that one you always talk about... Liberty I think. They have that there. It was purely exciting because of it's association with this blog. Of course, you can buy silk cheaper than you can buy that cotton so I didn't look long but it was exciting all the same.

[Lolita]

Hi,I had the pleasure of living in England up to a few months ago and I can happily report that the Selfridges' chain (large department stores on the downtown high streets of most larger British cities) all have great fabric departments. Unfortunately everything is priced in pounds so all of us whose companies paid us in dollars had to pay twice as much. For the record, these British stores are a bit like time travel to a more elegant era since they also had dedicated glove counters, millenry departments, and alterations shops where even off the rack dresses could be custom fitted. I loved it.

[somethingone]

Susanelle, you joke is still mamking me giggle.

[G10S10]

El Corte Ingles, a high end department store in all the larger cities in Spain has an equally high end large fabric department. Of course in the downtown Madrid store the fabric department was directly across from the La Perla display. Thus my first hint that I couldn't afford anything there. But the fabrics were exquisite.

[belphebe]

About 3 years ago, The Bay in downtown Vancouver BC still had a fabric department. It was a franchise called "Fanny's Fabrics". Sadly, Fanny's has gone out of business and The Bay has other stuff in the section where the fabric store was.That girl doesn't have to run to India to be "sari"; she can come to Fraser street in Vancouver!

[Theresa]

Susanelle, I liked your joke. Did you make it up. Amy - Your husband had to be kidding! My husband would be in serious danger of bodily injury if he said that. Sometimes he buys me fabrics and patterns just too keep me occupied and quietly happy while he watches the Powerblock on Spike

[Kaby]

Lolita- us Brits do indeed have the privilege of department stores with fabric, although it is John Lewis (and it's subsidiary Peter Jones) rather than Selfridges'.I have memories of buying buttons in there as a small child with my Mum, it makes me very happy to continue to do so as a grown-up. In London, of course, we also have Liberty's, which is a department store which not only sells but also produces it's own glorious fabric.Almost makes up for all the specialist shops which you lot have and we don't...

[Hannatu]

This may be an old joke, but I got a good laugh out of it!

[Susanelle]

Theresa said...Susanelle, I liked your joke. Did you make it up.LOL, no -- although, would I want to admit that???My pun collection had only one other contender suitable for Fabric Week -- but it's also a bit anachronistic: "When a woman gets married, she gets a new name and a dress." (shrug)

[scormeny]

I love the silkworm joke, thanks!I was in Tokyo recently and I can tell you that the department stores there - Yuzawaya, Isetan and Takashimaya - all have fabric departments. Yuzawaya at Kichijoji is incredible, with three floors of fabrics and crafts.

[Susan (Black Eyed Susans]

Really enjoyed your blog. I have been a fabriholic and sewer, well...forever. I also have an adult child. I started working in a fabric store on Long Island when I was 14 and I am 53 now. I will be checking in on you again. Please feel free to do the same and oh, I enjoyed your jokes. Best Regards, Susan

[Stephanie]

I always liked this bit from the TV show Night Court (paraphrased a bit):Judge to woman: Wow, that's a nice jacket! Is it felt? *Reaches out and touches woman's arm.*Woman: No.Judge: It is now!

[Momo]

Hee hee! Just reminded me that I left my sari in Texas:( It's red and gold and very pretty!