Secret Lives of Dresses Vol. 9

I wish I hadn't hated her so much. There, I've said it, and I can't unsay it, or make it not true. I wish I could.

Sometimes I'm not sure if it was really hate I felt. I'm not sure if I can actually have any feelings, or if I just soaked up what she felt, or what the people around her felt, whichever was stronger. Like a blotter put over an ink stain. Sometimes she seemed to me compelling and frightening, powerful and dangerous, like a snake or a shark or a mink; something you watch with suspense even though you know what's going to happen. Other times she seemed lifeless, like a robot or some mannequin, hollow and empty, nothing inside at all. A puppet, but with nothing holding the strings, nothing that I could see.

It was worse when she was wearing me. I can't describe it, really. The closest I can come is to think of what it must be like to be the face of a clock, a clock that's really a bomb, and to feel all that tick-tick-ticking behind you. To feel it, but not be able to stop it. Whenever we walked into a party I felt her ticking. I felt her sussing out which men she was going to flirt with, and which flirtations would happen in sight of their wives, and which not. I could feel the gears move as she touched one on the arm and one on the cheek and let another light her cigarette; I could feel her eyes swivel to the next target even as her head was tilted towards the current one. She knew just how to laugh in a way that grates on a wife's nerves, but was completely unexceptionable to anyone else.

I don't know why she did it, except that she could. She never made an assignation, or even a date; she just liked the commotion, the whispers, the glares in the powder room. That made it worse; somehow it would be better if she had had some desire for human touch, even illicit, instead of just an appetite for turmoil. Every couple of months she found a new place to overturn. A resort here, a small town there. There was some excuse, always; she was "hunting up old family papers." She was "looking for a little place to buy and settle down." The lawyer or the real estate agent had to invite her to dinner, invite her out to the club, and after that it was easy. But there never was any old family, or any little place. There was only her, humming to herself, as she drove home alone in her fast little car.

Sometimes, if I concentrated just so, I could thwart her. Probably thwart is too strong a word. Sometimes I could discompose her. I could be stiff where I ought to flow; I could catch where there was nothing to catch on. I could pull, or wrinkle, or shift. I could make her hesitate just for a second. It's not like I could ruin the effect she had; I could just make it less than perfection.

It wore me out, though, just to do that much. It was against my nature. When you're on a body you want that body and you to be one thing. You emphasize the way the wearer moves, subtly, hanging around her like an aura. Sometimes I got distracted just by her grace and I found myself cooperating as if what she was doing wasn't pure concentrated unpleasantness. That was the worst part, when I found myself suddenly aware of being becoming to her, when I felt her prey looking at her approvingly, because of me. But I *was* becoming to her, of course! That's why she bought me. She never had an unbecoming dress in her life.

Of course I know it was all my fault, although we don't talk about it, in the closet. We used to talk about her, but we don't anymore. There used to be a lot of rustling about her -- especially when a dress came back carelessly stained, or with the hooks and eyes bent or all torn out, or with a popped zipper. Anyone else would have taken a hurt dress to the cleaners, or the seamstress, but not her. Sometimes she just laughed, putting one back on the hanger, or just dropping it, bruised, on the floor. "Looks like I won't be wearing this old thing again!"

She won't be wearing any old thing again. Last Saturday she bought a new dress, to wear that very night. All red like me (she liked red), but long, cut low, with a ruffled train. Gorgeous. We were all envious -- to be so new, and so beautiful! That poor dress. She was so excited, looking forward to be being worn, pleased to have such a beautiful wearer. Then we all started talking. Maybe it was meant as a warning, or maybe it was just a little envy. Maybe we laid it on a little too thick. I think maybe I exaggerated just how much I could move, just what I could do against her. Maybe the red dress didn't know how much more it could move, with all those ruffles? I've never had ruffles; I don't know.

The red dress went out that night, the ruffles a-quiver, but more from apprehension than the excitement it had expected. But it didn't come home that night, and neither did she.

The next day it did finally come back, but without her. Some other women hung it up in the closet, wrapped in a bag. The bottom ruffle was all ripped, and it wouldn't talk. We heard the women, walking around the bedroom, opening drawers, looking at her nightgowns and her bed jackets.

"Which one do you think she'd want?"

"Helen, she's never going to know. The doctor said she'd probably never wake up again. It's going to be a miracle if she lives until Tuesday -- a fall like that! I don't think I'll ever walk down those stairs again!"

"If it were me, I think I'd know. Or I'd want people to hope I'd know. Did Joe Rossiter have any luck reaching her people?"

"I don't think she had any people! At least, none living. Or none she'd admit to."

"Don't speak ill ..."

"She's not dead yet. But I guess you're right. Let's get back to the hospital and drop these off; I want to get home to have supper ready before Jim comes back from the game."

Nobody's come back since then. The red dress hasn't said anything, but I can feel it, in the closet. I can feel it blaming me. We don't really talk. We just hang, and wait. We're not sure what for.

I'm pretty sure it's been Tuesday already.

Comments

[Anonymous]

well done Erin,a bit sad though seeing that is nearly Chrismast could we have a chrismast dress teeling its story?

[Anonymous]

brilliant ErinThat story is so poignant.Lucette

[Anonymous]

Tragic.But I want that dress. --Lydia

[fontfreak]

I like the darker air of tragedy and potential menace around this one.

[Thoughts on Life and Millinery.]

Daring. And I want that dress too.

[Carol]

She knew just how to laugh in a way that grates on a wife's nerves, but was completely unexceptionable to anyone else.Exactly. I could feel my body trying to respond with the wife's smile (mere nanometers from baring one's fangs) just reading that sentence.

[lucitebox]

Well, I asked for it, and I got it, huh?! I just knew you had a side that wasn't as perennially sunny as the one you wear so much of the time. Looming doom that was impending caused me speed read. I may have to read this one again. Erin, the moody side of your writing is as seductive as the dress itself. And, holy mama--that dress is smoking! I love the way you've (once again) given such a defined sense of purpose to this dress' life. After all, we know what dresses like this are meant to do, don't we?

[Carrie]

Wow, what a great tale. It was a little disturbing, but entirely engaging. Nice work =) It's like a mini-feed of a sci-fi book. Gorgeous dress, too.

[Summerset]

What a dress! Now I need to go back and read the story!

[kmkat]

Twilight Zone. Your story could be/could have been a script for Rod Serling's TV show in the 1960s (except that those scripts were not as imaginative as yours -- written by men, obviously). I would totally have watched your episode.

[Kathryn Brown]

I have a red dress. I hope it doesn't think of me like those dresses. Although I do flirt a bit...Brilliant story. I will be reading your blogs again. Would you try mine http://hiddenmelmelanieonline.blogspot.com/

[Julie The Vintage Goddess]

Twilight Zone.Yeppers.You can just hear the dresses whispering to each other in alarge walkin closet....

[Shannon]

Ooo, creepy! This one gave me goosebumps! Let this be a reminder to all of us to behave well, and take care of our things...

[S.]

So noir! I hope I find her one day while thrifting and give her the happy healthy body she deserves.

[gray la gran]

i just love your dress stories!

[mamafrog]

Please for a happier story? I love yours--but they verge just on being a little creepy and Twilight Zone-ish like kmkat said!! Excellent writing though--if clothes do think (Eeeeww) it must be like your writing. Now what do mine say, I wonder? Do you find yourself wearing the most comfortable things in your closet time and again? I live in jeans and I'm sure mine just groan sometimes when I get them out. I need to wear some of my different blouses, my version of a dress a day!

[Belle]

Awesome! Your last line was the perfect ending, too.

[n.b.]

Wowee zowee. That was a good one. Creepy though! Do you have a book deal yet? This would make an very interesting coffee table book : photo of dress on one page, your story on the other.

[Susan]

That dress is gorgeous!! and the story was great!

[Rose]

A wonderful welcome-home for me, to get to read a new Lives of Dresses installment!

[Mandy]

Oh man, what a sad story. Poor beautiful dress, to be such an accomplice.

[Crystal]

What a beautiful dress! Oh, wow... I dream of owning something like that! And the story is great, too.

[Dani in NC]

Great story! I bet that dress would be happier in my closet -- I only have eyes for my husband :-).

[Jen]

Oh, oh, oh...excellent-ay. Dark, a bit...sharp, like nettles, but so good and very engaging. Wonderful, wonderful job, as usual.

[MinaW]

Ouch. Wonderful story.