I know you all have been missing You Knit What??. Even though I don't knit, I miss it too. Which is why I'm posting this picture. The site in question (click on the picture if you need to visit it, and I use the word "need" very loosely here) sent me an email, telling me they had a sexy!! new!! site!! in about eight different colors.
Now, I don't want to hold bad email formatting choices against people. Some of my best friends had to be told (gently) that they were shouting (in all caps), at one point or another. But I should have taken it as a warning, because ... this ... this is an all-caps NO. This is an eight-colors NO.
Unless your Halloween costume is "toilet paper cozy", no. Unless you have a sexual fetish that involves pretending to be an afghan, no. I just don't understand this aesthetic. Bumblebee? Bumbleebee at Dollywood? Bumblebee at a "Gentlemen's Club" at Dollywood?
The website in question also advertises their patterns as "Fearless!!" Well, I'd say you'd have to be pretty damn fearless to wear this out in public. (Sorority hazers need look no further! I got your rush prank right here!) But I would like to introduce them to the concept of The Gift of Fear. Trust your gut, unless your gut says to knit this.
I don't know if this particular pattern was ever featured on You Knit What??, but I'm assuming it could have been. Possibly for a week straight.
"Wear it to lunch with your mother-in-law, tea with your girlfriends, over your swimsuit, or any place you want to look and feel like a girly girl!"Can you imagine? I wish I had a mother-in-law, just so I could see her expression on seeing me arrive for lunch wearing this. I'd have to make my entrance quickly, though, to catch her as she fainted.
Posted by: IA | 10/09/2006 at 08:15 AM
I had sent this photo to YKW just before they stopped blogging so, sadly, the photo never made it. Surely it would have, no? When I was in middle school we had a neighbor (I can't remember her name) who worked at one of those "spas" where they wrap you in bandages to help you lose inches - you know what I'm talking about. For work, she wore a leotard and tights (with heels, of course) and over that she wore dresses just like this, color-coordinated to her leotard-o-the-day. Always crocheted in the most heinous acrylic yarn, of course. And, being Texas in the '70s, was accompanied by very large, teased and sprayed hair.
Posted by: Gigi | 10/09/2006 at 08:25 AM
the "dress" is bad enough, but its length is the kicker. worst length ever. makes everyone's legs look like crap, especially when they wear flats.
Posted by: sdn | 10/09/2006 at 08:58 AM
That knitwear site is a joke, right? Please, tell me it's a joke.
Posted by: Anonymous | 10/09/2006 at 09:06 AM
A good example of how NOT to wear yellow. Or any color.
Posted by: Nora | 10/09/2006 at 09:38 AM
OK, I just checked out the site, and I kind of love it for being so crazy. I recommend the "babies and kids" page, and the "fall" page. I'm reeling from the turkey hat.
Posted by: Nora | 10/09/2006 at 09:51 AM
I don't know about you all, but I am getting the Christmas Tree hat and the Decorated scarf for Christmas..right after I order the Turkey hat for Thanksgiving and the Easter Lily neck piece...for spring....I mean I have to have something to wear to a funeral.....maybe just that. WOW.(that was a wow of incredulity). I need a moment. This garb was however strikingly close to the fashion week nightmares I witnessed in the New York Times. She might be on to something.
Posted by: Sarah | 10/09/2006 at 09:56 AM
Why is Debra Messing wearing that "toilet paper cozy?"TP cozy--that's the funniest thing I've read today! Holly
Posted by: lucitebox | 10/09/2006 at 10:06 AM
Oh yes, I'm familiar with this site. Whenever I am down and need a good laugh, I go to this site. The turkey had always makes me chuckle. How can you not?
Posted by: Miss Dottie | 10/09/2006 at 10:28 AM
Yes. Yes, it is beyond the shadow of a doubt, a TP cozy. For when your TP needs to feel ... cozier than usual. But look how happy she looks*! Or maybe it just tickles.*Or crazy. But it's a good crazy, the kind that wants to give away a million dollars that she doesn't have, not the kind of crazy that wants to feed you to the Thing Under The Bed.I'm glad this dress exists. It's a comfort to know that, no matter what I may be wearing, it'll be more tasteful than at least one other dress in this world.
Posted by: La BellaDonna | 10/09/2006 at 12:33 PM
Oh dear, this model is so in need of hose. And a different dress. A very, very different dress.
Posted by: Gidget Bananas | 10/09/2006 at 01:01 PM
The clipart models in the babies and children section is so very Henry Darger!
Posted by: Anonymous | 10/09/2006 at 01:09 PM
Sweet cracker sandwiches that is some kind of ugly.
Posted by: TransplantedOkie | 10/09/2006 at 01:57 PM
Oh my, that's bad.
Posted by: madeleine | 10/09/2006 at 02:29 PM
Oh my! is exactly what I thought!!! Reminds me of those table decorations made out of crepe paper that you unfold.
Posted by: Anonymous | 10/09/2006 at 04:43 PM
"Busty Issues: The bust of this dress is fully lines with a snug rib stitch that keeps you in placebra or no bra." The only thing worse than this dress would be this dress on someone with "busty issues" going braless in it - and can you imagine the "fully lines snug rib stitch" against your skin? gah. gah. Fully lines indeed!Thanks, Erin, this and the link to the old YKW site provided a badly needed laugh.
Posted by: banquogirl | 10/09/2006 at 04:43 PM
Oooooooh.I would like to think that the site is a joke, but I just can't imagine anyone putting that much love into a joke. The neckwear is something special, indeed.
Posted by: Rose | 10/09/2006 at 06:10 PM
I liked the strapless dress, with four looks in one, not only does it look like it's going to fall down as soon as the picture is taken, but two are the same, just from different angles. The site just makes me laugh and makes me thankful that I no one I know knits dresses from this site. here.
Posted by: Madeleine | 10/09/2006 at 07:56 PM
Yipes! They even have the same hair!
Posted by: jenny | 10/09/2006 at 11:29 PM
jenny: Thanks for sharing! Frisson inducing - flipping back and forth between the photos. If the TP cozy had been yellow and white, I might have had to stay home today.
Posted by: Carol | 10/10/2006 at 06:12 AM
La BellaDonna - I can only assume that the model looks so happy simply because she's grateful not to be doing something even more degrading for money. That's the only way anyone could possibly look happy while wearing this dress.
Posted by: Robinson | 10/10/2006 at 11:59 AM
I remember my aunt telling a story about a bride who had crocheted her entire dress. It poured the night of her reception, and within about 10 minutes her dress was 15 feet long and weighed about 138 pounds, give or take a few ounces of water.Can you just imagine this nasty thing---particularly if one made it in cotton, as they suggest---if you got caught in a sudden summer thunderstorm? The entire neckline would be yawning somewhere near the floor, the straps a yard-and-a-half long, straining under the weight...
Posted by: jenny | 10/10/2006 at 04:25 PM
For those of you missing YKW, someone is trying to take up the slack here:http://whatnottoknit.wordpress.com/
Posted by: Anonymous | 10/10/2006 at 07:03 PM
I'd wear it if it was a culotte onesie...
Posted by: dorthymantooth | 10/11/2006 at 04:40 AM
If you liked You Knit What, you'll love Stitchy McYarnpants' Museum of Kitschy Stitches! http://www.stitchymcyarnpants.com/moks06/
Posted by: Anonymous | 10/17/2006 at 11:50 AM