More polka-dots!

Okay, work with me here. Imagine this dress being worn by someone who hadn't been able to talk/bribe/threaten her plastic surgeon into giving her ginormous implants. Concentrate instead on the enormous polka dots (I know, I know, they don't look so large next to those other unnaturally round objects, but try). Think about the cute border along the hem, and the pockets.

In fact, the pockets are so great that the description calls them "most sexy and unique"! Too bad the rest of the description is incoherent, saying the dress has an "empire drop waist" (a contradiction in terms) and is "perfect for ant occasion" by which I suppose they mean picnics, although that sounds more like a crossword clue than anything else. I pass over the apostrophe and capitalization problems as being unworthy of our time. (Why, oh why do these sites not hire copyeditors? I know plenty who would work for free clothes!)

It's only $58, and sized small-medium-large. (Large is a 38 bust, 34 waist.) Click on the image to visit the site. There are a couple other cute halters and goddessy gowns, but they're interspersed with dresses only useful to people auditioning for the role of "pole girl #3" in a rap video. (They also have the worst Duro version I've seen yet.)

Oh, did I mention this is from TikiBoutique.com? Or did the GIANT PHOTO WATERMARK give it away? (To be fair, there was one unmarked photo, but the model's implants are so freakishly disturbing in it I didn't want to post it. When did they develop antigrav silicone, and why didn't anyone tell me?)

By the way, please don't click on this, unless you have something to scrub your eyeballs with after -- just the words "party halter gaucho jumpsuit" should be enough to give you nightmares for quite some time. (They did me.) See what I go through to bring you cute cheap dresses?

Comments

[Helen]

Loving the badness... Horrendous Duro dress even has contrast pinstripe wiast bans ... Absolutely dreadful! Erin, promise that when you make this dress you will at least have the decency match the contrast band to the spots they are intended to coordinate with! Thanks so much xx

[IA]

It's difficult to tell what the dress really looks like, with those . . . things . . . crammed into it (what could she have been thinking?), but I do love the green and brown version.And I know I'm a scrub for saying this, but I don't mind the Duro knockoff. I don't share your Duro passion in the first place, though. That style, even in its purest original, would make me look like an especially frowsy hippie, circa 1977.The green and brown halter dress, on the other hand, would make me look like a tarty hippie, which is an image I feel I can safely rock.

[angela]

Hi there,the gaucho jumpsuit is just fabulous. I'm still giggling....You've made my day!Many thanks,Angela

[john]

tiki boobtique

[the_lazymilliner]

Erin, I think you've been influenced by the blogger from supersexypictures who posted yesterday. Here's another thing: couldn't the stylist take a moment to iron this dress? The dress would hang so much better, and it wouldn't look like the model was just super-eager to show off her cleavage.

[McJulie-O]

[quote] Here's another thing: couldn't the stylist take a moment to iron this dress? [/quote]Exactly what I was thinking!!!!

[Anonymous]

you know, for one thing, that model, plastic surgery notwithstanding, has got to be at least a 10. she's the most ordinary looking model i've ever seen, hooray for that (you can see pictures of her where they didn't cut off her head in the sale section, she's staring balefully at the camera)and, hey, it's nice to see at least how a large chest will actually fit the clothes they're selling!

[bani]

I'm with Bbrug on pretty much everything! And OMG, that jumpsuit was hilarious.

[anneland22]

I don't believe that the "scrub-your-eyes-after" photo is an image of a real person...not all of it anyway.

[Gigi]

That's a good one, John! This dress is adorable but the plastic tatas are very disturbing.

[robbie]

do you think tube-tops will make a come-back?

[Zoltar Panaflex]

The "party halter gaucho jumpsuit" is horrific indeed.I also think that website is charitable in hiring girls with such bad posture.I've scrubbed my eyes with Brillo and can procede with my day (sewing a hideous Issey Miyake pattern...)

[meara]

Ooh, that one is greatly colorful, but I think I'd be more likely to wear the blue/white/purple/brown one (here) or the green and brown one. So cute! I am, however, skeptical on teh sizing: a large is a size 7/8? With a 38 bust and a 34 waist??? It says "Up to" 34. I'm really wondering how this dress would fit me...but their return policy is store credit only. Hmph.

[Jenn]

Great site...I linked to it so I could visit it!

[rowena___.]

well, i don't actually mind the duro dress (although i'm really fond of those dresses to begin with)--however, tiki boobtique ;) has jumpsuits--there is just no excuse for that.

[Mandy]

Tiki Boutique has now endeared themselves to me by having not only some sext plus size clothes, but an actual size chart. I can forgive the implants in the face of these things. :)

[Sara]

Awww Erin, don't be hatin the fake Duro dress! Us "it's all about our skinny waists that confuse people into thinking our hips aren't the size of California either" girls love the waist piece. So defining! (Poly-spandex sucks though.)I just might have to get the Duro pattern and alter it to fit a waist piece. The way it is now, it would be tent-like to the nth power. No good.

[erma]

I actually saw a half a Duro (the top half) at Logan airport the other day. I think it works better as a dress than just a top.

[peg]

Honestly, I don't know how the skinny little legs of the party-halter-gaucho-jumpsuit girl can hold up those bodacious ta-tas. Yowzers!

[Anonymous]

Party-Halter-Gaucho-Jumpsuit is truly awful. In my neck of the woods those awful knit gaucho things are all the rage and I haven't seen one person that looks nice in them, not one. Now some evil genius has attached a halter top to them, the PTA moms around here are sure to snap them up and I will be accosted by these horrors everywhere. I am very, very afraid.

[sweetdarlin]

Wow! I'm shocked you kept searching through that site with all those unperportionnate photos randomy smaking you in the face.It is a cute dress though, but I'm still not sure about the colour polka dots. I'm more into classic black and white small polka dots.TOODLES

[Erica B.]

This all should be labeled "Hoochie Mama Chic".

[Absinthe]

Im so blonde! I couldn't figure out why the horrible Duro dress had all of this tacky writing/ print all across the ugly pinstriped waist band. Then it finally occurred to my fog shrouded brain that it was yet another huge photo watermark. LOL!Knowing that the print doesn't come on the dress still doesn't make me love it any better though.

[Anonymous]

Erin, where do you find this stuff?!?!? "Party halter gaucho jumpsuit", now where's my SOS pad? Extra soap, please!

[arabellaesmerelda]

While I was checking out the TitiBo...oops! ... I mean TikiBoutique site I came across the grecian goddess dress. I'm afraid my thinking about green goddess dressing (not that there was a lot to start with) has been forever altered.